I copied this from Chasiti's blog -
I read it yesterday and then have read it again several times today.  It has been another emotional day and this has really helped me get through it . . .

HOW GOD SELECTS THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DIABETES

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint Matthew." 

"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia." 

"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to profanity." 

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a child with diabetes." 
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly", smiles God. "Could I give child with diabetes to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel".
"But has she the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she cannot separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with less than perfect."
"She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice ... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side."
"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air. God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

At dinner Nate's BG was 599 - - - Yes, 599!
When my daughter, Emma looked at the meter she said "599 seems like a lot of sugar" to which I replied that it was pretty high and she said "Mom, I guess Nate just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter!".

It was so sweet it made me cry and I haven't stopped.  I am feeling overwhelmed tonight!  Overwhelmed by chasing the numbers and overwhelmed by my sadness and just overwhelmed by diabetes!!


It was down to 293 at bedtime with no ketones so I will check once more before I go to bed.

I read this on 3 blogs yesterday and 1 today and then a friend also emailed it to me last night - I think it is a sign that I need to post it too.

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience, to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland ?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland ?? I signed up for Italy! All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say: "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.

Copyright © 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley
All Rights Reserved

I am working on embracing Holland!!

I'm still recovering from the endo appointment and then the TrialNet appt. on top of that - I think it completely frazzled me for the entire week!!

I can't decide if this article makes me mad or sad?
Mad because of the content or sad because the person that wrote it is so completely STUPID!

I borrowed this letter from Joanne's blog but I also saw it on Six until Me - It very wonderfully illustrates that stupidity is alive and well. It is a letter written to the editor of her local paper:

On Oct. 3, myself and my girlfriend were eating lunch at Burger King. A family came in and sat across the aisle from us. While the father was ordering food, we were shocked and appalled to see a boy inject himself with whatever medication, in front of God and everybody all while sitting at the table. We found this extremely offensive. That sort of business should be done in private. How about a little respect for those around you. Other than the obvious fact that it's not sanitary for those who use the table next, you have no idea how something like that can affect people. People go through a lot in their life and things like that may bring up certain feelings and memories best forgotten. I would like to thank those that day for totally ruining my meal.

If you want to chime in with your own letter to the editor, click on this link and visit the Pocatello Idaho State Journal website.

Yesterday we had our 1^st non-hospital visit with Nate’s endocrinologist at Children’s Dallas. I was not prepared!! We took all 3 children because we are all participating in a diabetes study but I will get to that later.

With all 3 kids in tow in the pouring rain we set out to what I mistakenly thought would be an easy visit with Nate’s doctor. Now I know different – next time I will be more prepared! We arrived early which just caused a lot of waiting around with 3 very restless kids. Jim decided to stay in the waiting area with the girls so I was on my own with the little man and all of the screaming, crying, finger pricking and information overload! Good times! I am very appreciative of the fact that along with a team of doctors, nurses and educators we also get a counselor. She was very nice and listened as I told her how I was doing, how sad I still am and how angry I am becoming. I even laughed when she told me that I was “right on track emotionally” and that she did not have “any magic answers”. Really – what the hell are we paying you for? Ok, just kidding – I didn’t say that but I have never really talked with a counselor before and I was really hoping she would have a magic answer! Talking with her just brought out all of my emotions while I was sitting in this little room with my crazy, 16-month old little man who was at this point starving because it was well past his lunch time.

By the time the doctor came in I was stuffing peanut butter crackers in Nate’s mouth so quickly that I lost count and then freaked out because I had no idea how many carbs he had eaten! Good thing we were at the hospital – right?

It was just a very long, very emotional, very frustrating visit.

I was fried!

On a happy note – Today I found a mommy with a little girl that was diagnosed around the same age as Nate. I am so excited to find someone that is going through exactly what we are going through and can understand all of my crazy emotions.

More later on the hell of day that was yesterday!!

My precious Emma was a raving lunatic during our meeting with the TrailNet Diabetes Study nurses.