I am having a hard D day today.

Emotional.
Hormones?  Maybe.
Diabetes?  Most likely!

It's hard!  It's hard!  It's hard!  It is SO hard!  No one told me it would be this hard!

We are having awful, terrible, sickening numbers.  All over the place - from 523 to 47.  I know it hurts.  It feels bad and it must be awful.  Why can't I just take it away?  I would trade places if I could.  Oh, how I wish I could take his place.

I'm frustrated.
Diabetes?  Yes.

Children's Hospital Dallas Endocrinology?  YES!

CIGNA?  Yes.

CAREMARK? Yes.

Here is what Nate looks like to Children's Hospital:
Here is what Nate looks like to CIGNA:

Mild hypoglycemia
Symptoms of mild low blood sugar usually occur when blood sugar falls below 70 mg/dL and may include:

• Nausea.
• Extreme hunger.
• Feeling nervous or jittery.
• Cold, clammy, wet skin and/or excessive sweating not caused by exercise.
• A rapid heartbeat (tachycardia).
• Numbness or tingling of the fingertips or lips.
• Trembling.

Moderate hypoglycemia
If blood sugar continues to fall, the nervous system will be affected. Symptoms usually occur when the blood sugar falls below 55 mg/dL and may include:

• Mood changes, such as irritability, anxiety, restlessness, or anger.
• Confusion, difficulty in thinking, or inability to concentrate.
• Blurred vision, dizziness, or headache.
• Weakness, lack of energy.
• Poor coordination.
• Difficulty walking or talking, such as staggering or slurred speech.
• Fatigue, lethargy, or drowsiness.

Severe hypoglycemia
The symptoms of severe low blood sugar develop when blood sugar falls below 35 mg/dL to 40 mg/dL and may include:

• Seizures or convulsions.
• Loss of consciousness, coma.
• Low body temperature (hypothermia).

Prolonged severe hypoglycemia can cause irreversible brain damage.
____________________________________________________

And when his bg is high -

• abdominal pain
• nausea and/or vomiting
• fruity breath odor
• rapid, deep breathing
• confusion
• unconsciousness ("diabetic coma")
• DKA

One week ago today I had my hysterectomy and I need to give a few shout-outs to my peeps for helping out!

First and foremost, my mom. She totally rocks. She took me to the hospital, stayed with me until I kicked her out Monday night and then took care of me at her house for the rest of the week.  She rocks!!  I didn't lift a finger.  All of my meals were prepared, clothes washed, and prescriptions filled.  She checked on me throughout the night to make sure I was pain free and medicated, not too warm or not too cold and she always heated the bathroom before I went in to shower. She even put lotion on my legs and feet.  Yep - she rocks!

My neighbor and friend, Sally doesn't read my blog but I think she still deserves a shout-out for taking Emma to and from school everyday.  Thank so much, Sally!!  What would I do without you?

Helen and Lisa both helped tremendously with the girls and the week went on without a hitch!

Jim told me several times while I was recovering how easy it was to take care of 3 kids.  Boy, that really got on my nerves!! 

The surgery went well, nothing unexpected, easy peasy!  I was feeling good after surgery and the nurse came in and gave me some more meds in my IV and so I really felt great all night.  I slept most of the night without interruption and later found out my doctor had given orders to drug me, drug me good and let me get some much needed rest.  I love him!  Tuesday I was still feeling pretty good until the pain meds went away but nothing I couldn't handle.  Wednesday night I had the worst headache of my life and thought I was going to die!!  The doctor thought it was from my ovaries being in shock from the surgery so my hormone levels were all wacky but I found out later that 2 of my aunts get terrible migraines from Hydrocodone and that was what I was taking at the time.  It was a very bad night but once we got rid of the headache, I stopped taking the Hydrocodone and all had been good.  I'm still taking some Tylenol or Aleve for pain and Tylenol PM at night but will probably be able to stop all meds by tomorrow. 

Here is a pic of me before surgery but apparently after some good drugs -


I stayed at my parents house until Friday night when Jim and the kids came over for dinner and then drove me home. I had such mixed emotions about leaving. On one hand I really missed Jim and the children but on the other hand I really didn't want to leave the nice, quiet, and peaceful recovery room at my parents house.

Now for the dirty laundry . . .

When I returned home I thought surely I would return  to a nice, clean house. After all, Jim had repeatedly told me how easy things were without me.  WRONG!!  I walked in to a disaster zone!  What the heck?  Had a bomb gone off over here?  A Tornado maybe?  It smelled terrible too.  Like cat pee - - - AND WE DON'T HAVE A CAT!!

To prove that I am not exaggerating here is the proof -

I am so frustrated I could scream!  No matter how hard we try, no matter what we do we just cannot seem to get Nate into those 'middle' numbers. 

Here's a good example -

January 9th
1:30 AM - 89 treated with 10g of carbs IOB
7:00 AM - 108 Yippeee
8:45 AM - 88 15g for snack time
10:30 AM - 55 AWESOME!
2:00 PM - 221 10g snack
4:00 PM - 63
6:30 PM - 79


 January 11th
1:00 AM - 99 (treated with 7 carbs - lots of IOB)
7:00 AM - 215
9:15 AM - 240
10:31 AM - 40 - Really?  WTH?
10:54 AM - 188 after 15g of carbs
1:51 PM - 225
3:00 PM - 222

Today
1:30 AM - 259
6:47 AM - 270
9:00 AM - 266
10:35 AM - 212
11:20 AM - 50

I'm too tired to go get the meter to get the numbers for the rest of the day! They were all in the 200's.

Nate is on a constant carbohydrate diet which is counting carbohydrates in portion sizes called carb choices and eating the same number of carb choices at each meal.  Currently, he eats 30-35 carbs at each meal and 15-20 carbs at snack.  Now obviously being a 1 year old if he doesn't want to eat 15 carbs at snack there is really not much I can do about it.  I am not going to force him to eat because then we both just end of crying!

 Nate's schedule goes a little something like this . . 

7a - Check BG, Eat 30-35g and Inject H3, N3
9a - Check BG, Eat 15-20g
11a - Check BG, Eat 30-35g, Correct if necessarry
12p - NAP
3p - Check BG, Eat 15-20g
5p - Check BG, Eat 30-35g, Inject H1
7p - Check BG, Eat 15-20g, Inject N0.5 (just reduced from N1 due to lows at night)
130a - Check BG and then depending on that # do it again 1t 2:20 or 3:00

I just want to be in the middle!  Why can't we get there?  What are we doing to him?  I feel so bad - all of these highs and lows make him feel so lousy and don't even get me started thinking about what they are doing to hit little bitty organs!!

I can't figure out what is peaking when and why and just wish today that I didn't have to do it!
Poor Nate.
Poor Me.
Poor everyone dealing with the D.

 A Little Bit Longer - Jonas Brothers

Got the news today doctor said I had to stay
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
When I thought it'd all been done
When I thought it'd all been said
A little bit longer and I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got until it's gone
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low
And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow
You don't even know, know, know
You don't even know

All this time goes by, still no reason why
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
Waiting on a cure but none of them are sure
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
But you don't know what you got until it's gone

And you don't know what it's like to feel so low
And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow
You don't even know, know, know
You don't even know, know, know
You don't even know, know, know

But you don't know what you got until it's gone
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low, yeah
And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow
You don't even know, yeah, whoa, yeah
You don't even know

So I'll wait 'til kingdom come
All the highs and lows are gone
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
I'll be fine

I am having some problems - you know girlie problems! So, if you do not want to hear about them please stop reading now!

Here's the low down on my down low - - -
After Nate was born I wanted to make sure that we were totally and completely DONE.  We were totally and completely done after Sophie but then I got pregnant in the spring/summer of 2007.  Wow!  It was one of those little surprises that we didn't ask for but we quickly adjusted our plans and became super excited about baby #3! What would it be . . . another girl for the Houston family?  Maybe a boy this time?  Wow - what would we do with a boy?  My due date was January, 29, 2008.  Two of my close friends were pregnant at the same time and all 3 of us had due dates within days of one another.  It was SO exciting!

That summer Jim's family joined  us for a week of 4th of July festivities and we were so thrilled to have everyone in town at one time.  We were all down at our lake house which is about 90 miles from home (& civilization) when I started bleeding.  Nothing major at 1st so I didn't even worry.  But, by day 2 of bleeding Jim's step-mom drove me into town (about a 20 minutes drive) to the local hospital.  This town is so small that they had no one there to perform a sonogram but that didn't really matter because I really don't even think they had an operating sonogram machine.  They did the best they could but pretty much told me to ride it out at home.

I packed up the girls and drove myself home.  I needed to see for myself.  I went into to my OB's office for a sonogram and saw that sweet baby in my womb.  I've seen enough sonograms to know what I was looking at.  There he/she was sitting so still and so quiet.  No heartbeat.  None at all.  Heartbreaking to say the very least.  I had carried that sweet baby for 15 weeks of his/her life and it was devastating to have to say goodbye.

After a few weeks Jim and I discussed having another baby.  He said no, I said yes and by October we were pregnant again.  Baby Nate was born June 23rd, 2008.  What a joy and a blessing he has been in our life.  BUT, we really were done this time.  I needed to be sure that next time I got baby fever I was not able to easily seduce my husband and BLAM have #4.

My doctor told me about an easy procedure called Essure.  It was what seemed like a quick, easy and painless alternative to tubal ligation.  I should have known better.  The 1st attempt was unsuccessful.  They were unable to complete the procedure because of some swelling in my tubes.  It hurt like hell why would I want to try that again?  I have no idea but decided to try again about a month later and it was successful but it still hurt like hell!  I'm a little fuzzy on the dates but I think the procedure was in November and I was supposed to follow up in February with a with an Essure confirmation test.  The day the test was scheduled there was a terrible ice storm in the area and everything was closed!  I never rescheduled.

By March I was having terrible pelvic pain that no one would/could diagnose.  I had a CT scan but the radiologist had no idea what was causing the pain.  I went to my OB and he was clueless too.  I told them that it felt like something was stabbing me from the inside.  I told them that I was sure there was something wrong with the Essure procedure but I was assured there was no problem with the Essure.

In June I collapsed in pain while carrying Nate to bed.  I have had 3 children - that is a lot of contractions and they were nothing compared to this pain.  OH. MY. GOD!  Please take away the pain!  I called my parents and they drove me to the ER where they were sure that I had kidney stones.  They preformed a CT without contrast to confirm the diagnosis but it was not a kidney stone at all.  The radiologist had no idea what the problem was but he knew that there was a problem.  They decided to do another CT this time with contrast to try and figure our exactly what was going on.  After the 2nd CT they came in and told us that there was so much internal bleeding in my abdomen that they were going to have to get me checked in and do exploratory surgery to get it all figured out.  In the mean time I am still in pain - A LOT of pain.  I have a morphine drip that is doing absolutely nothing for the pain.  I seriously thought I was going to die.

The next morning my OB came in and we settled on a time for the surgery.  I was put at ease knowing we would soon figure it out and everything would be alright.  Just before surgery the pre-op nurse asked me if I would like to try to pee so that we could avoid a catheter.  Ummm - Yes!  So, I shuffled my way into the restroom and peed in the little Dixie cup like any catheter fearing woman would!

I had my gown on, little surgery socks keeping my feet nice and warm, my lovely hair net was in place and the anesthisiologist was ready to knock me out.  Oh yea, baby!  Momma is going to dreamland see you people later.  Just as I was about to close my eyes and let the euphoria of the medicine take over my doctor rushed in to tell me there was a change of plans.  No, no, no - PLEASE, no change of plans!!  The last nurse had done a pregnancy test on the urine in my little Dixie cup and it came out positive.  The medicine was kicking in, I was going under, and my eyes were rolling back into my head.  What?  What did he say?  Pregnant again?  Oh my!

When I woke up I was dazed and confused to say the least.  Unfortunately, it was an ectopic pregnancy and my fallopian tube had ruptured.  Hmmm.  Well, that explains the pain.  I was pretty upset about the loss of another baby but my grief to a back burner to my recovery.  It was amazingly painful.  I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and this was almost more than I could stand!

The grief did come and I dealt with it - am dealing with it.  It is a hard thing to understand.  I try not to question it but how can I not?  Why would God take a baby away from me the 1st time and now why give me another to only take it away too?  The last thing I remember saying before surgery is "I don't care what it is - make it go away!".  I know I was talking about the pain but those were hurtful words once I discovered what was causing the pain.

So, I survived June and headed into July.  I was still having pain and a lot of bleeding.  My doctor and I decided we would try the ablation to help with the pain and the bleeding.  Unfortunately, they both continued and with every cycle it was getting worse. Jim and I were really beginning to track the pain - when it started, when it ended, where I was in my cycle and rate the pain.  Then September came and Nate was diagnosed with Type 1 and everything related to this problem was set on the back burner.

Here we are now in January and this last week has been pure hell.  It was the most painful cycle yet.  So much pain that we decided to do a sonogram to make sure there were no other complications.  The pain is intense and so strong it brings me to tears.  It is all on the right side of my lower abdomen.  It is the Essure.  The metal coil is still in my right tube and it is causing almost as much pain as the ectopic.  It must come out!

The only way to get it out is to do a hysterectomy and at this point I am fine with that.  Take it all out, baby!  I want it gone.  My plan of action is to remove the uterus and the tubes but leave the ovaries.  I have no risk (that I know of) of ovarian cancer or breast cancer so I am leaving those little hormone producing babies in there.

I am both looking forward to and terrified of this surgery -
It is scheduled for January 18th @ 11a.

I am about 3 posts behind but I want to share this great site for ordering medical ID bracelets and accessories.

Fiddledee Ids


Look how stinkin' cute this charm is . . .

and this one . . .


This site was sent to me by my dear friend, Celeste Dunbar and I just love it!
I get 15% off of my order for linking back to this site but I promise I would have posted this anyway. :-)

I am pretty strong in my belief that Nate must wear a medical bracelet because he cannot speak for himself just yet.  I would actually tattoo his forehead with the information if that were not such cruel and unusual punishment!  I'm a nervous Nelly anyway but when I asked about them in the hospital the doctor simply said that it would be a good idea for Nate to wear one in case there was ever a situation where Jim or I could not provide the life saving care or information for our precious son.  Enough said.

I have also contacted On-Star which is a service in our GM truck that provides emergency assistance in case of an accident and put his medical history on our account so that if we were in an accident they would relay the information to the paramedics.

Any other tips or suggestions for keeping our wee ones safe?

Day 1 - January 1st, 2010.  The ball just dropped.  I am so excited that I am still awake to see it.  Jim is beside me in bed - SNORING!  He didn't make it to midnight.  I am really surprised that I made it - I took 2 Tylenol PM and then a hot bath in hopes of some good sleep.  I roll over and start to drift away into dreamland - it was a good dream.  It was a dream where all children are disease free and all mommies get to sleep through the night - every night!  Oops - but then I hear it.  A little noise on the monitor that I keep right beside my pillow. What is that noise?  It wasn't so much a cry - just a noise.  Being the mom of a child with T1 - a noise is a noise is a noise and I must investigate.  Uhhhh - out of my dreamland and into reality. 

I trek across the house to Nate's room where I am hearing the strange noise and some labored breathing.  Oh no - this is not good.  I grab the bg monitor and check him immediately.  He is so sleepy - too sleepy - he won't open his eyes.  I move closer to the door to be closer to the hallway light so that I can see the reading.  WTH?  40?  Does it really say 40?  Why is he making these strange sounds and yet he won't open his eyes?  I am kind of freaking out.  I carried him to the kitchen - banana?  No - he wouldn't open his mouth.  Juice - yep!  He drank all 15 carbs of the juice and then went into bed with me for further evaluation. 

He slept on my chest for most of the night while I lay there holding him tight.  I stayed awake most of the night holding him, checking him, snacking him, holding him and checking him. He hovered around 69/70 all damn night.  Finally around 5:30 AM I broke out the big guns!!  M&Ms - not even the minis.  He got a (Halloween Size) bag of regular M&Ms and I finally just collapsed.  I slept until about 7:30 when Nate woke up again. I checked him at 115 handed him off to Jim and headed back to the bedroom where I stayed fast asleep until 11:30 this morning.

Ok - so this is not exactly how I wanted to start my new year but such is the life of a T1 mom.  Just a friendly reminder from 2010 -  didn't want me to get all lazy and happy forgetting that T1 mommies don't get to sleep.  Even when they take Tylenol PM - Boo!!