I made the mistake of peeking over at a few other blog posts today -- writing about my non-d girls is just as emotional to me as writing about my little d-boy.  After reading Candy Hearts, The Superhero and the Princess and Justice's Misbehaving Pancreas I am already in tears.  How am I going to get through this post without full on sobbing?  I have no idea but here we go . . .

On diagnosis day our lives and our family changed forever.  Diabetes is a family disease and it takes it toll on everyone in our family.  I've blogged many times about how it has changed me, my marriage and my body. I've touched on how it has changed Jim and in his post he talk about his feelings about diabetes.

I'm not sure that I have ever written about how diabetes has changed my two beautiful girls, Emma and Sophie.


Emma was five and Sophie three when Nate was diagnosed.  It amazes me everyday how much these sweet girls love their brother.  There is no anger, no resentment and no jealousy -- they understand that Nate sometimes has to come first and they completely understand.  The girls have learned how to check his sugar (with assistance), they help with pod changes and Dex site changes.  They like to sing to Nate when he is having his sites changed.  It is the sweetest thing you have ever seen/heard.  They are very aware of the different DexCom beeps and they will both come running to tell me if he is high or low.  They know where we keep the juice, fruit snacks and bananas and are happy to help me with anything diabetes related. Both girls are learning to count carbs and make better food choices for themselves and for their brother. 

As a mom it is heartbreaking to not be able to be there for one of your children.  Heartbreaking.  The wants or needs of the girls are often put on the back burner because Nate is high, low, needs a pod change, needs a juice box, a bg check, a ketone check . . . the list goes on and on.  The girls never complain but it is so hard for me to make them wait while I care for Nate. 



Nate gets a lot of attention . . . he is our little Super Hero . . . Super Nate!!  The girls LOVE it.  I worried that they would resent all of the attention that he gets but so far they think it is absolutely wonderful.  It is our new normal and they have embraced it.



My sweet Emma loves her baby brother so much and is often so afraid that something bad is going to happen to him.  She is so protective and loving that it both makes be so proud and breaks my heart.  She wishes daily for a cure and was devastated when there wasn't a "cure" at the JDRF Walk for a Cure.  In her mind we were raising money to go 'get' the 'cure' at the walk.  Sweet Angel!  I have seen her mature over the past year in so many ways.  I love to hear her tell people about her brother's diabetes and she will happily explain to anyone she hears ask about his pod.  Emma is the sweetest girl I have ever met -- she has so much love, compassion, empathy, generosity, faith and trust that I hope she never changes --- not even 1 little bit. 
I know she will always look after both Sophie and Nate and she will always be Nate's biggest advocate and supporter.  Emma makes her mommy so proud each and every day. 



I think the above picture is appropriate as we move on to Ms. Sophie . . .

My beautiful, sweet and very precocious Sophia Elizabeth is so much more than just my middle child.  She is smart, funny, beautiful, loving, compassionate, and a little bit naughty.  She is both my sugar and my spice!  She can certainly be a handful but I wouldn't trade her for the world.  She, like Emma is so in love with her little brother that it makes my heart overflow with pure joy.  Where Emma will always be there to educate and help others learn about diabetes I see Sophie being there too but heaven help the person that ever crosses her.  I have this image in my mind where some little stinker says something mean or hurtful to Nate about his diabetes and Sophie punches them right in the nose!!  She does everything 100% --- the girl does not know how to do anything 1/2 way.  Sophie, sweet, sweet Sophie loves to rub Nate's back when he is low, sing "you are my sunshine" when he is not feeling well and is always there with a great big hug for Nate whenever he needs it.  Sophie makes me the happiest mommy in all of the world.

Today I am most thankful for my husband, Jim.

Jim and I have been together for 8 years and married for 6 years.  We married when we were both older and started our family WELL into our thirties.  We both had been working and very focused on our careers when we married.  We skipped the hard part that some young couples go through --- struggling to make ends meet, deciding when to start a family and saving for a 1st home.  I point that out because I think those things build a foundation for a marriage -- they build character in a marriage, they help make the marriage and the couple stronger.  Well, that's my opinion anyway!

We were in love, we were happy and we had the world in the palm of our hands.  We loved to travel together, run together, we loved to go to Vegas and spend all night playing craps together, we could talk for hours about anything and everything. Life was easy and life was good --- we were in love and loving life. 

We had 3 children in 5 years and somewhere mixed in with all of the joy of having our children we lost the joy in our marriage.  It happened slowly we really didn't even notice at 1st but our primary focus became our children; not our marriage or each other.   There was nothing terrible going on in our marriage but we had definitely lost that loving feeling and our ability to effectively communicate.

We were plugging along doing ok and then WHAM Nate was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on 9/17/09.

I specifically remember someone sending me an email after Nate's diagnosis that said something like 'don't forget about your marriage during this stressful time'.  Ummm - yea - DELETE.   I was SO not focused on our marriage at that time.  Good hell -- my son was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes -- he could have DIED!  I felt more like ----> Insulin and I will now be keeping Nate alive - I don't give a crap about my marriage right now!!

Before even a year had passed since Nate's diagnosis, our daughter, Sophie was  diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis with it looking more and more like Crohn's Disease everyday.  Another huge blow to me, to Jim and to our family.  We watched as Sophie suffered and I silently cried every time I thought about my sweet girl living with such a burden.

Looking back it seems like I should have listened to that bit of advice sent via email.  I don't know the statistics but I do now know that having chronically ill  children can doom a marriage.  Our marriage already had issues and then you throw in the stress of caring for not 1 but 2 chronically ill children --- it took a huge toll.

After Nate's diagnosis I went into a  pretty dark place.  I was  sad, frustrated, scared, angry and  really, really tired.  Then Sophie's diagnosis came along just as I was clawing my way out of my dark place and threw me right back down into my black hole.  Jim seemed to be just taking it all in stride and that was really pissing me off! 

Diabetes is a full time job.  I took on that job with a passion and pretty much shut Jim out. I often felt angry at Jim for not being more involved but he was traveling all of the time.  I attended all of the classes alone and while busy not sleeping I read every book that I could get my hands on to learn more about diabetes and how to better care for Nate.  I can't really blame Jim for not wanting to dive into Think Like a Pancreas but still I was aggravated.

Diabetes is expensive.  Even before we lost our insurance the cost was expensive.  Now we have no insurance and it is down right life altering.  We have had to make some serious lifestyle changes.

Now we are dealing with no communication, 2 chronic illnesses and financial issues.

With diabetes in our lives the most simple things now seem nearly impossible -- we no longer have the ability to spend a night away from our children, we rarely even spend an evening alone, and a romantic getaway ---- forget about it!

Let's see now we have no communication, 2 chronic illnesses, financial issues, and no time to ourselves.

Jim has been working in Washington DC for over a year now. The stress (and the joy) of raising 3 children on my own along with the lack of sleep and lack of communication with Jim finally took its toll.  In October we both hit a wall.  I literally did not have enough energy in me to fight for my marriage.  I felt exhausted, defeated and overwhelmed.

It all seemed like too much - no communication, 2 chronic illnesses, financial issues, no insurance, no time to ourselves, and I was exhausted, defeated and overwhelmed.

I have to believe that it is not all that uncommon for couples living with chronically ill children to feel the same way.  When Nate was 1st diagnosed we rallied and put up a strong, united front but then  before long we went back to our old ways and had so many more problems coming at us from every direction.  It has not been easy.

I am SO thankful today that back when we hit that wall my husband flew home early from DC and had enough fight left in him for the both of us. He came home and fought for our marriage, for me, for our children, and for our life together.  Our relationship needed much work and we have addressed each issue one by one.  As all marriages are --- ours is a work in progress but it feels so good to know that we are both working for a common goal.  Our family.

Jim has embraced Nate's diabetes and has become very involved in his care.  On his last trip to DC he actually read Think Like a Pancreas along with a few other diabetes books.  We work daily on communicating better and keeping all lines of communication open.  Unfortunately, Nate still has type 1 diabetes and Sophie still has UC/Crohn's therefor we still have no medical insurance but what we do have is each other and 3 wonderful children.  We know that we are blessed to have our children here with us and we enjoy every moment we are given with them. 

Now we share Nate's care and make decisions together.  I'm still Nate's primary pancreas but now Jim is a fabulous co-pancreas!  

So, sometimes a marriage starts out easy and sails along with no problems for a while and the solid foundation building comes along later in the marriage.  I think right now is our foundation building  time.  We are are going to get through all of this and look back one day and be amazed at how we survived it all and know that we are stronger for it.

I look forward to being able to look back  . . .

9/20/04

We have a winner!!!  

I want to thank you all for entering and spreading the word about the:



I had so much fun putting it together and meeting a few bloggers that I had not yet met.

So, before I announce the winner I want to let you know that Hallie over at The Princess and the Pump is hosting this week's BLACK FRIDAY BOLUS!!!!

The Lovely Couple

Nate loved playing in the sand

3 Joys

Nate running away from the picture

My little artist - Emma

My future's so bright!!

Nate loved the beach!!

sand angel?

The kids and their cousins

Jim and Laura

She has a killer smile - my little heartbreaker!

Our little explorer

Grandma with Nate

3 generations of Houston men

3 Little Houstons

The Girls!

The Family

The Southern most point of the USA

Cyborg Baby :()

Such a fun day!

I loved watching them play!

My iTot

The boy knows his way around my phone

Priming Pod at 30,000 Feet!  Yea Baby!