The waves continue to come. I’ve had a couple of good days and a couple of bad days. Waves. Today there are a lot of waves.  More accurately, today there have been tsunamis. One step forward ten steps backward. 

I miss my dad so much.  I want to see him. Smell him. Hug him. Just once more! I need more time.  Even just one more day.  Please, just one more day.  

Today has been filled with a lot of crying, really full on sobbing.  I’m so damn mad.  I have questions to ask him. Things I still want to know. Things that I need to say. I would give anything for just one more day.  One more I love you.  Once more for him to say my name... Laura Leigh. ❤️

Today I’m filled with regrets, what-ifs, and so much sorrow. Waves.

I also need to say; I have made some forward movement.  I’m trying to accomplish one thing every day. Even if that one thing is getting out of bed.  Last week I worked out three times.  This week my goal is four times. I’ve started taking my Plexus products which have helped my body begin to heal.  I’m trying to do a little work each day, but for some reason, it’s a definite trigger.  I want to work! I love my job and enjoy helping others so much, but I'm struggling with being able to help others while navigating my way through my sorrow. 
There are still days that getting out of bed is all I can accomplish.  Afternoons and evenings are my low times, and I allow myself that time.  Today though has been exhausting, and I can barely keep my weepy eyes open, yet I know sleep won’t come.  It’s such a vicious cycle.  

I love looking at pictures of my dad ... this one of him with my grandparents makes me smile!

Don, Daphna, and Bobby Williams

After my grandfather died, one day my dad & I were out running errands, and when we came to a stop to park, he fell apart.  I remember it like it was yesterday, him weeping, and my 18-year old self-trying my very best to comfort him.  My dad had felt the intense grief of losing his father. The same pain I’m feeling now.  Had I known then how awful it is I would have held him a little longer and a little tighter.  

Weeping is perhaps the most human and universal of relief measures. -Karl Menninger

Bobby Don and Don Oscar Williams

It is incredible how much my dad looked like his dad the older he got. While my dad was in the hospital, I really started noticing how much they resembled one another.  

One Breath, One Step. Repeat.